Archive for May

“remember what I forgot to remember”

May

May 2012

Early On-set Nostalgia.

Maybe it’s not a disease, but I’ve got it. If you’ve seen Midnight in Paris, then just imagine me as Owen Wilson’s character without the blonde locks. I enjoy the reminisce, the stories of glory, and tales that seem a lot taller than they were at the time. Past adventures seem to be just as powerful in their narrative, or more with a little bit of time. I may be a bit too young, but I’m a nostalgic.

May is a month that brings up many-a-memory because it has often a transitional month and and one that I can think back fondly on. I’ve graduated three separate May’s (not counting Kindergarten), moved somewhere new, and have been fairly nomadic from May to May. Overall May has been a month that always seems to get missed through all the hustle and bustle.

This May, it was the time I spent with my friend ‘Strong’ that I realized just two years ago we were sharing a meal and conversation in China, or that going with my friend Whitney to a wedding (1 of 3 almost a fourth) that Grad School was just as hellacious as I remember it. May I remember not to forget these people in these places and how they’ve impacted me.

…

Not all of my memories are story worthy, but that doesn’t mean they’re not worth-while. I have plenty of stories from China, Grad School, and other transitions in my life, but those spaces between the stories, between the memories burned sepia-toned into my mind are those things I seem to have forgotten.

The feelings, the thoughts, the mental pictures I’ve taken are all things I need not forget because they are what give those stories meaning and substance. Without, my stories are just a yellowed photographs of past adventures and distant memories clinging to my detached nostalgia.

May I remember, rather than forget.

May I remember the people in my life that make my memories worth remembering. I am undoubtedly blessed to share even a portion of my life with the people around me, and it’s mind-blowing how much I tend to take them for granted sometimes. However, I haven’t forgot about you and I never will.

Because, nostalgic or not, May was great. May I remember not to forget why.

(did I kill the ‘May’ play on words, MAYbe.)

album of the month

we’ve got a tie, however two different music styles for you. Very good month for music, and boy am I glad Regina Spektor is back. Also, Kimbra?

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros ~ Here

Regina Spektor ~ What We Saw from the Cheap Seats

Categories : Update

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“the world outside is full of such wonder that often, I barely can speak”

Jun

May 2011

Transition.

Such a necessary part of life, but often a difficult one. Watching friend, family and others around me falling into different levels of transition isn’t as troubling as wishing my own transition was already complete.

May has been such a surreal month. This time last year I was shoulder-deep in a cultural immersion experience of a lifetime. (for lack of a better term) And now I’m stuck between where I was and where I’ll be next. This isn’t a new feeling, but rather one that I don’t always welcome.

As a good friend of mine who is also in a transitional stage in her life as well explained it: “life seems to be getting bigger and bigger and it feels like I’m getting smaller and smaller.” That made me think, maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

We are supposed to be small, we are small. As much as one man (or woman) may feel like they are above it all and great they are simply just as small as you are. When you’re small, big things seem big, but small things seem normal.

We must leave the big things up to God and let the small (normal) things be our focus because those are really the only things we can “control”. Maybe I should learn to take my own advice and focus on what small (normal) things I can control.

As I went out on a small hike/camp out at the end of this month, in the Ouachita National Forest reminded me of that. The forest is massive and there is so much complexity and greatness to it, yet it is simple. So much goes into the growth of a single tree in that forest, but that one tree is just a small part of an even larger ecosystem.

Just as the cicadas that hissed as the sun set low and the lightning bugs began to flicker in the darkened distance it was apparent how small everything is. The audacity of believing that I am somehow in control of anything is almost insane. I am just like a pine needle in the forest, a small part of a greater system that finds it’s strength not from being “big” but from the “small”.

Life may be about the big things, but living is about the small things.

It’s much less daunting that way.

music I’m listening to

There’s one band that I remember from my times in Stillwater it is a group that used to be called Kunek, but now go by the moniker of Other Lives. They put on a great live show, and well their music is an atmospheric joy to listen to. It’s just good music. If I were to compare it to a famous band I’d say Fleet Foxes, but then again I think Other Lives is better, so I should be comparing Fleet Foxes to them. However check out the Fleet Foxes new album while your at it. It’s not too shabby at all.

Other Lives ~ tamer animals

Categories : music, Update

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“Just like a Waving Flag”

Jun

May 2010

你在哪儿？(Ni zai nar?) [Where are you?]

For those of you that have been following my blog know where I am. If you don’t then You could find out pretty easily. I’m in China. I’m here for the internship at Qingdao University, which has been great so far. I’ll be here till the end of July, and I can’t really access my blog so I’ve been updating via e-mail for the past couple of weeks.

May was crazy to say the least, but a good type of crazy. I felt productive, but not necessarily well slept. These past few weeks traveling in China has been like a vacation for me. Even though the group I was with might have been stressed out by all of the travel, I was particularly excited to be without worry and responsibility for a little bit.

I’m beginning to think that this may be a fairly common theme for the rest of my duration in grad school. Packing more days and more hours into each week and month, might be something I need to get used to. But now that I’m in China, and certain things seems to move on a different time table I’m finding myself moving into synthesis with the culture and loving it.

It’s tough to say too much about what I’m doing, but this month I’ve been doing a lot of writing, which I find is the best therapy and the best way to reflect on all of the journeys and adventures that May has been. I feel like I’ve had enough life experience in May to fill at least three months. May-be four.

I just May need to take a year sometime to compile everything that has happened these past 23 years.

This summer I May just find myself losing a part of me and gaining something new. This summer has already been an intense experience, and I can tell that it will only gain speed. I’ve learned already that I will live in China for some period of time in my future, and I will never be able to stay in one place for very long. Life is going to be one up and down ride for me.

Or May-be not….

Books I’m Reading

I’ve attached a picture of the book that I’m using in my Chinese language class. It cost me the equivalent of $9 USD. Books here are just crazy cheap. That makes me want to bring a suitcase back of just books, but I think that would be a bit heavy. I’d like to see customs laugh at me as I brought that through.

Album of the Month

No music this month. But the internet café that I frequent has been playing a lot of K’nann. He’s blowing up over here in China. Specifically “Waving Flag”.

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Categories : China, Update

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Summers End

Sep

Fall officially begins September 21st, but for me it’s when College Football begins, which is Labor Day Weekend.

May was the end of many things, June was a blur, July was a lot of change, and August was the beginning.

Something I Can Believe In

May took me down some roads that I had never been down. I was unemployed for the first time in a while, but that finally changed. I haven’t felt completely welcome where I was living almost all summer. I finally was able to feel comfortable again; once I moved to Arkansas.

The leaves are thinking about changing and nights just seem darker. I love this part of the year. When it just gets colder and colder outside, the sun sets sooner and sooner, and it just feels like there is something different in the air; you know that change is upon us. It’s a time that reminds you that things do change, and even in those times that nothing ever seems to change. Isn’t that the great thing about change… That you can’t stop it?

All we can do is take the change, put it in our pocket and go with it; or be left behind. If we ignore the change then we are stuck always trying to catch back up.

Time to Plant

It’s odd how a season can tell such a story. My Grandpop buys the farmers almanac every year and when I’m over at their house and I get bored I’ll often pull it out and thumb through it. Many farmers did and still do believe that there is a weird connection with the cosmos and farming conditions. I often believe that my Grandpop is one of those people. The almanac is full of a bunch of numbers and waning and crescent moons along with where certain stars are, but it’s not a guide to the stars; it is rather something more useful.

It tells you the right time to plant.

There are obvious growing seasons for plants and crops. The almanac give you an optimum time for planting and for harvesting. It’s quite an interesting little book. What happens if you plant outside of those dates? Often your plants/crops don’t do as well. I’m not sure exactly how the almanac predicts all these conditions and weather reports. It’s scary how “spot-on” it will be with its predictions.

People are similar to plants.

In May I was uprooted from my home and I just sat there in the dirt and then July I finally was move somewhere else. I’ve just recently began to take root in a new place. Is everything right for me? Are the conditions at there optimum level for me to grow here at UCA?

So far it has been a slow start, but growth isn’t an easy process. Just look back at your life. I know that it might look simple from an outer perspective, but look closely at those times of growth and failure and think about your conditions. Are you ready to grow? Are you ready to spread out your roots and sow your wild oats? For me, I think things are as good as they are gonna get so I should get used to it and spread my roots.

This has been one of the most interesting Summer’s I have ever had… so far.

Categories : Update

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Archive for May

“remember what I forgot to remember”

May 2012

album of the month

“the world outside is full of such wonder that often, I barely can speak”

May 2011

music I’m listening to

“Just like a Waving Flag”

Summers End

Something I Can Believe In

Time to Plant

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